Quotes
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes.
I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio I think, "Hey, maybe I wrote that."
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"
I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
I went to a cafe that advertised breakfast anytime, so I ordered French Toast during the Rennaisance.
I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.