Quotes
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Some people think George is weird, because he has sideburns behind his ears. I think George is weird, because he has false teeth with braces on them.
Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
So, do you live around here often?
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.
One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
My school colors were clear. We used to say, "I'm not naked, I'm in the band."
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.