Quotes
It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
I'm hoping someday that some kid, black or white, will hit more home runs than myself. Whoever it is, I'd be pulling for him.
I never smile when I have a bat in my hands. That's when you've got to be serious. When I get out on the field, nothing's a joke to me. I don't feel like I should walk around with a smile on my face.
I never doubted my ability, but when you hear all your life you're inferior, it makes you wonder if the other guys have something you've never seen before. If they do, I'm still looking for it.
I looked for the same pitch my whole career, a breaking ball. All of the time. I never worried about the fastball. They couldn't throw it past me, none of them.
I don't want them to forget Ruth, I just want them to remember me!
I don't see pitches down the middle anymore - not even in batting practice.
I can't recall a day this year or last when I did not hear the name of Babe Ruth.
Guessing what the pitcher is going to throw is eighty percent of being a successful hitter. The other twenty percent is just execution.
Didn't come up here to read. Came up here to hit.
Can I smoke now without someone taking my picture?
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.