Woody Allen
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.