Woody Allen
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife-a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held.
The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ''Embraceable You'' in spats.
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.