Quotes

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.

Woody Allen

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.

Woody Allen

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.

Woody Allen

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Woody Allen

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

Woody Allen

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

Woody Allen

Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic.

Woody Allen

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Woody Allen

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Woody Allen

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

Woody Allen

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .

Woody Allen

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ''Embraceable You'' in spats.

Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Woody Allen

Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.

Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Woody Allen

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

Woody Allen

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

Woody Allen

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Woody Allen

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Woody Allen