Quotes

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

Woody Allen

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Woody Allen

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

Woody Allen

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Woody Allen

A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

Woody Allen

Totalitarianism is patriotism institutionalized.

Steve Allen

The hair is real - it's the head that's a fake.

Steve Allen

Ours is a government of checks and balances. The Mafia and crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances.

Steve Allen

In a rational society we would want our presidents to be teachers. In our actual society we insist they be cheerleaders.

Steve Allen

If there is a God, the phrase that must disgust him is - holy war.

Steve Allen

If the Old Testament were a reliable guide in the matter of capital punishment, half the people in the United States would have to be killed tomorrow.

Steve Allen

Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.

Steve Allen

Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.

Steve Allen

You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as you dominant aspiration.

James Allen

You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.

James Allen

Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts inevitably bring about right results.

James Allen

Whether you be man or woman you will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.

James Allen

To put away aimlessness and weakness, and to begin to think with purpose, is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment; who make all conditions serve them, and who think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully.

James Allen

To desire is to obtain; to aspire is to achieve.

James Allen