Joey Adams
Smack your child every day. If you don't know why - he does.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.
A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.