Douglas Adams
Life is wasted on the living.
It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it... anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
It is a rare mind indeed that can render the hitherto non-existent blindingly obvious. The cry 'I could have thought of that' is a very popular and misleading one, for the fact is that they didn't, and a very significant and revealing fact it is too.
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.
If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandonded this theory in favor of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.
I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.
I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
I don't believe it. Prove it to me and I still won't believe it.
Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
His study was a total mess, like the results of an explosion in a public library.
He shifted his weight from foot to foot, but it was equally uncomfortable on each.
He inched his way up the corridor as if he would rather be yarding his way down it.
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.